Take breaks

Why you need them

Caring for someone is tiring even when the illness is only a cold. Broken sleep, constant requests and a house that has turned into a sickroom wear down your patience faster than you expect. A short break puts it back.

Carers who step away regularly stay kinder, make fewer mistakes and are less likely to catch the cold themselves. Tiredness lowers your defences, and a poorly carer helps nobody.

How to take one

• Say it out loud: "I'm going out for twenty minutes."
• Set a timer so neither of you has to guess.
• Leave water, tissues and the remote within reach, then actually go.
• Do not check your phone for messages from the bedroom.

What to do with the time

The aim is a different room and a different noise. It does not need to be productive.

• Walk round the block with your phone in your pocket.
• Sit in the garden, or by an open window, with a hot drink.
• Read three pages of something that is not about illness.
• Ring a friend and complain in detail.
• Sit in the car with the radio on. This counts.

The twenty-minute rule

Why twenty minutes

It is long enough to feel a change of scene and short enough that nobody organises a search party. If he can be left to nap for an hour, take an hour.

A simple pattern

• Morning: one break before the first round of tea.
• Afternoon: one break when the afternoon slump hits.
• Evening: one break after tea is served and before the night shift begins.

When he objects

He may sigh, groan or announce that he will be fine on his own. Both can be true. Stay calm and keep it short.

I'm going out for twenty minutes. Your water, tissues and phone are all within reach.

I'll be back at four. If it's urgent, ring me.

Sighing is free. Let him.

Taking a longer break

If the illness drags on, twenty minutes will not be enough. Ask a friend, relative or neighbour to sit in the house for a couple of hours while you go out properly: a coffee, a film, a proper walk.

Put it in the diary rather than waiting until you are desperate. The break you plan is worth three that you snatch.

Common questions

What if he really needs me?

Then he will say so, and you will hear him. A short break within earshot is still a break. Keep your phone on loud and stay in the house or garden.

Is it selfish to go out?

No. A rested carer is a better carer. Think of it as an essential part of the care plan, not a luxury.

What if I have no one to cover?

A quick break needs no cover. Twenty minutes is rarely a risk for an adult with a cold, and a bell, a text or a phone call covers the rest.

A quick recap

• Tell him when you are going and when you will be back.
• Leave drinks, tissues and the phone within reach.
• Take your phone, but do not stare at it.
• Do something that is nothing to do with illness.
• Come back, and say thank you for the peace.