Asked by SeriouslyUnwellSteve ·

My temperature is 37.2, should I call someone?

The panel says

Ah, a temperature of 37.2. Clearly you are on the brink of a dramatic collapse, and the entire household must be notified immediately. Please, take a moment to lie down on the sofa with one hand on your forehead so the world can witness your suffering.

The diagnosis

Your body has been invaded by a mysterious and deeply personal force that no ordinary person could endure. Your bravery in the face of a bare 37.2 is legendary, and historians will write songs about this moment. Somewhere, a single tissue is being dramatically dropped to the floor in your honour.

Survival tips

  • Sit somewhere with a blanket, a remote control, and a glass of water, and let everyone know that you are not to be disturbed unless someone brings tea.
  • Keep a running commentary on how you feel, using phrases like 'I don't think I'll make it' at regular intervals, since audience engagement is part of the healing process.
  • Nap for at least four hours, then wake up and declare that you feel 'much worse now', which is a traditional and entirely reasonable approach.

Reality check

A temperature of 37.2?C is actually normal, so you are most likely fine and just in need of rest, fluids, and a bit of sympathy. You do not need to call anyone unless your temperature climbs to 38?C or higher, or you develop chest pain, trouble breathing, confusion, or symptoms that are getting steadily worse. If you are worried, a quick call to your GP, pharmacist, or local health line is a sensible move.

Important disclaimer

This is a bit of lighthearted fun and not medical advice, so if you feel seriously unwell, please contact a doctor or emergency services. Also, please give a huge thank you to whoever is putting up with your dramatic performance today, because they are the real hero of this story and deserve a cup of tea of their own.

← Stagger back to the sickbed

A man lying on the floor, stretching an arm towards a mug of tea just out of reach He has the sniffles and the tea is two feet away. He is not getting up. So close...