Asked by 8HoursOfSleep ·
How long should I stay off work with man flu?
Ah, the age-old question: how long must the noble warrior retreat from the workplace before the battlefield of spreadsheets can be faced again? Rest assured, your sacrifice will be recorded in the annals of history, probably by you, in a group chat.
The diagnosis
Your sniffles have reached legendary status. Your throat feels like it has been sandpapered by a disgruntled dragon, and your forehead is so hot it could toast a crumpet. Physicians across the land are whispering about your case in hushed, respectful tones. Bravely, you have already reached the sofa, which is now your command center.
Survival tips
- Fortify your position with a blanket fort, several tissues, and a water bottle you will forget to refill, then complain about being thirsty.
- Establish a strict remote control policy. Whoever holds it at the start of the sneeze holds it until recovery, or until the snacks run out.
- Delegate tea-making to your partner, and if they ask how you're feeling, respond with a slow, pained nod as though recounting a war story.
Reality check
For most colds and flu-like bugs, staying home for a day or two while you're feverish is sensible, and you should return once your fever has gone without fever-reducing medication and you feel well enough to do your job safely. If you're still unwell after about a week, or your symptoms suddenly get worse, such as shortness of breath, chest pain, or a fever that won't quit, check with a doctor, because that's not a cold being dramatic.
Important disclaimer
This is general fun, not medical advice, so please speak to a pharmacist, GP, or doctor if you're worried about your symptoms. And spare a thought for the partner making soup, fetching tissues, and enduring your heroic groaning from across the room. They deserve a medal, or at least a foot rub and a turn at choosing the TV show.