Understand the drama
Feeling rotten is miserable, and some men are not used to it. The sighing, the speeches and the farewell texts are mostly a way of saying "I feel awful and I want to be looked after".
You do not have to agree with the drama. You do have to acknowledge the misery.
Say it once, kindly
One warm sentence ends more arguments than ten clever ones.
That sounds rough. I'll bring you a drink.
I'm sorry you feel so bad. Try to rest.
Then carry on with your day.
What not to say
- "It's only a cold."
- "Everyone gets them."
- "I had it worse last year."
- "You're being dramatic." True, and fatal.
- Anything that starts with "Well, actually".
Do not dispute the thermometer
A reading of 37.1 is normal and he knows it, deep down. Do not argue. Say "that's good news", and move on.
If you really want the facts, keep a log and look at the pattern over a few days rather than a single reading.
Look after your own patience
You will run out. Everybody does.
- Take a break (see the survival tip).
- Count to ten, or twenty.
- Remember that he will be better in a week, and you will be insufferable about it.
When the drama is not drama
Most man flu is noise. Sometimes the noise is a message.
If he is unusually quiet, confused, struggling to breathe, in severe pain or has a very high fever, take him seriously. Call NHS 111, or 999 in an emergency.
Common questions
Should I play along?
You can be warm without agreeing. "That sounds rough" is kind and costs you nothing.
What if the drama goes on for days?
It usually peaks around the second day. Take breaks, ask for backup and remember it ends.
How do I know when it is serious?
Look at what he does, not what he says. Trouble breathing, confusion, severe pain or a very high fever are warning signs.
A quick recap
- Acknowledge once, kindly.
- Skip the lecture and the comparisons.
- Do not argue with the thermometer.
- Look after your own patience.
- Watch for the real warning signs.
Reality check
This guide is satire and the drama is usually harmless. A man who says he feels very ill and looks it should be taken seriously. When in doubt, ring NHS 111.