Ask for something specific
"Can you do the pharmacy run?" gets a yes. "Let me know if you can help" gets a nice message and nothing else.
People want to be useful. A clear, small, time-limited request makes it easy for them to say yes.
Good things to hand off
- Shopping, including the soup.
- Collecting a prescription.
- School runs or walking the dog.
- Twenty minutes on the phone so you can vent.
- Dropping off a meal you do not have to cook.
Someone to talk to
A friend who will say "he's being ridiculous" at the right moment is worth more than any remedy.
Pick one person who knows the patient and will not judge either of you. Send them the highlights.
Messages you can send
Copy, paste, change the names.
He's ill and I'm flagging. Could you collect the shopping on your way past? I'll send the list.
Have you got twenty minutes to talk tonight? I just need to complain to someone sensible.
Could you sit with him on Saturday morning so I can go for a proper walk?
Professional backup
Backup is not only friends and family.
- A pharmacist can advise on symptoms, medicines and what is safe to take together.
- NHS 111 can help when you are unsure whether to worry.
- Your GP can see him if symptoms last more than ten days, or he improves and then gets worse.
In an emergency, call 999.
Saying thank you
Tell people what their help meant. A short text, a cake once he is better, or a promise to return the favour is plenty.
Helped carers become helpers. Next winter you may be the one with the casserole.
Common questions
I feel guilty asking.
Most people are glad to help and feel awkward offering. Asking gives them permission, and a specific request is easy to say yes to.
What if nobody is free?
Use services: supermarket delivery, a pharmacy delivery or a local volunteer group. Even a ten-minute phone call counts as backup.
Should I ask him to ask for help?
If he is well enough, yes. A man who can text his mates for sympathy can text one to fetch his shopping.
A quick recap
- Pick one small, clear job per person.
- Send the message before you are desperate.
- Keep a list of who has offered what.
- Use the pharmacist and NHS 111 as well as friends.
- Say thank you, specifically.
Reality check
If you are exhausted or worried about how ill he is, say so. Backup also means NHS 111 or your GP, and there is no prize for waiting.